Dear Readers! The following post is part of the series “The Dream Job is No Accident” by Doria. Today, you can read Part 12. You can find the previous articles using the search function under “Dream Job Series.” The next posts will appear weekly on the blog. Enjoy reading and working on them!
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Dealing with Black and White Sheep
While a network, according to the dictionary, is “a (loosely) organized group of people with common interests who support each other by, for example, sharing information,” people in a clan are a bit closer, as the dictionary further explains, a clan is “a group of people connected by kinship or common interests.” Networks are valuable, but a true clan is much more than just a plain, run-of-the-mill network.
A clan is a group of people with whom we feel connected and who support us, who share similar thoughts but are not identical. They help us live our element with their know-how and positive energy.
No one likes to be an outsider, a black sheep standing apart from the group, receiving more criticism than support. We all want to feel part of something, and our desire for this belonging is so immense that we are even willing to suppress or give up our true desires. From a young age, we learn to bend ourselves, adapt to others’ judgments, seek approval, and downplay our own strengths. Through others’ evaluations and our reactions to them, we often manipulate ourselves, as manipulation begins where evaluation occurs.
Recently, a client asked me how he could become a tougher person. I replied, “You mean that you no longer want to please everyone and give everyone what they want from you?” He nodded. “I assume your wife loves you for that.” He nodded and beamed at me. “And are you willing to give that up?”He looked embarrassed.
I told him that there are already enough of these people and we don’t need more. He should simply learn to move in the right environment, in his clan, and offer his skills to those who can appreciate them. However, this does not mean we must turn our backs on the people we love. While adapting is not inherently bad because it relates to belonging, the danger of this desire for belonging is the potential loss of our creativity if we only implement what already exists. This loss of creativity equates to a standstill in development.
But how can we live as the black sheep when our desire for belonging is so strong?
You can only live your element if the right people are gathered around you, people who speak your language. They give you affirmation, inspiration, and encouragement. If we find that these people around us, for whatever reason, prevent us from following our element or do not understand us, then we must either leave the group or at least reduce the time we spend with them. The right clan ensures that we continue to develop and, in turn, can give something back.
The right clan often forms automatically; we develop a sixth sense for people who enrich our ideas. Pay attention not only to sympathy but also to who enriches the entire system. If a group is too similar, there is a risk of not looking beyond the obvious. Ensure more diversity in your clan to increase input.
And what if you can’t choose your clan?
If you often wonder why you didn’t get a job despite meeting all the requirements, it may be because “good” companies look at whether you fit into their clan.
So, ask yourself: Which people, books, blogs, events, employers, and experts already enrich my element? Who and what can enrich me in the future? Who do I need to distance myself from? You don’t have to feel like an outsider with your ideas. The next time you think you are a black sheep and no one understands you, consider whether you have the right clan around you where you can live your element. And remember, your black sheep helps you to be different.
Who are your sheep? Think about it!
- Which people in my environment give me support and energy?
- Which make me feel smaller and are less helpful for my ideas?
- How many different clans do I actually have?
- Which experts and personalities bring me closer to my goal?
Photo by Judith Prins on Unsplash
