Dear Susanna, you are not alone; many people struggle with an inner dialogue that constantly reminds them of their shortcomings. This hindering voice not only dampens your mood but also prevents you from taking the next step. The best way to silence it is through a narrative approach—essentially making life difficult for it until it decides to leave voluntarily. Here’s how:
Give your destructive inner voice a name, for example, “Annoy.” Next, recognize it when it makes its appearance. Often, we are already stuck in its dilemma for hours before we realize that it has us completely under its control.
1. Practice identifying your destructive voice as quickly as possible and greet it with friendly words like, “Hello Annoy, you’re here again,” or “Annoy, hi, I’ve missed you.”
Stop taking it seriously; it doesn’t like that. It’s used to being the big boss, getting full attention, and achieving its goal—making you feel like a failure. Until now, you’ve reacted exactly as it wanted, falling into a brief or even prolonged depression. No matter when or why you’ve let this destructive sensor take control, today is the best day to say goodbye to it, okay?
2. Talk to it and make it ridiculous. Give it your full attention as it likes, but now in your terms. For instance, you might say, “Just hold on a moment, I’m making a quick coffee and then we’ll sit on the sofa.” Then actually make yourself a coffee and start a conversation with it: “You know, Annoy, this can’t go on. I know you like to hang out with me and keep me occupied, but I really don’t have time for you anymore. I’m not heartless, so I won’t just dismiss you immediately. Let’s have coffee together, but then I need to move on…”
Your hindering voice won’t like this, I can promise you. It doesn’t want to lose its job and will try to prevent that by visiting you repeatedly, thinking it’s just a glitch and it will succeed next time.
3. Deliver the final blow with persistence. Whenever it returns, greet it with friendly sarcasm: “Hello Annoy, back again. Care for a coffee? Who sent you this time, Mom, Dad, my former boss…? You’re really persistent, still thirsty?” And one day, it will be gone, just like that.
Things disappear when they receive a different kind of attention that doesn’t serve the original purpose. Sometimes it takes longer, sometimes shorter—just keep at it. Try it out. It’s up to you how much space and time you give to energy drainers. This method has proven to be the most effective for me and my clients. After all, humor remains the best remedy. 🙂
Have fun getting rid of those hindering inner dialogues. PS: This works in all contexts.
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